Bosszilla’s Guide to Motivating People

Don’t listen to what they say at Motivosity! Read this and win.


Learn how to leverage your ego to get things done!

Thanks for finding your way to this treasure trove of knowledge. It’s about time that you accept reality - there’s only one good way to motivate people.

Think of all the poor schlubs out there trying to find new ways to motivate people in the workforce. Losers. The truth has been around for thousands of years. The big truth is - the best way to motivate people is through various flavors of fear.

This guide will help you find ways to leverage the wonders of fear in your organization to catapult yourself to boundless success.

What is Motivation? Food trucks vs Lions

Don’t listen to all the psycho-mumbo-jumbo about intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. There is no need. Look... are you more motivated to run when you’re chasing a food truck or when a hungry lion is chasing you? No-brainer. There is one thing you need to know about motivation - the most effective type of motivation is motivation which is directly related to survival.

In the workplace we have some pesky rules we have to follow though that don’t let us fully leverage the purest form of motivation. While we can’t exactly threaten people’s existence, we can threaten their corporate existence. As we explore some ideas, keep in mind now that we want to motivate people by threatening their corporate existence.

Motivation primer - it’s just business

The little people.... you bought them. The more you can remember that the little people are just ‘human resources’ or ‘human inventory’ the more effective you will be as a leader. You make their life possible, not the other way around. If a tool you buy breaks, you just buy another one. Same with the people. If you forget this, how can you expect to be a world class motivator?

Rules are your friend

The more strange and inconsistent rules, the more likely someone is to break them and the more likely that you’ll be able to threaten their existence.

Rules also serve another purpose; when people discover that rules prevent them from improving things, they stop caring about distractions and focus on the work you’ve given them.

One thing about rules... a nice touch is to provide safe places for people to have a breakdown where they won’t embarrass themselves as they cry.

Friends aren’t your friend

Do as much as you can to discourage people from having friends or being friendly at work. You don’t need happy people, you need productive people. Nobody was ever more productive by standing around talking. Don’t allow people to be too comfortable with the people around them.

Frienships across the organization also have the tendency to break down silos, which undercuts the competitive environment that really motivates people.

Reminders of servitude

You need to control where your people go and what they do with their, correction; your time. You should know what all your people are doing any time you feel like it. Your expectation should be that if they receive a text or an email at midnight, they should be answering it in minutes. If people believe that your expectation is that you’re always working and that they really have no personal life at all, then they’ll be afraid to do anything other than work! Win for you!

Eliminate trust

Make sure that people feel like they can get ahead by blaming others. This is helpful since you can’t be everywhere at once. You need more than just your eyes on people. Foster an environment where people are always running for their life because they don’t know who is watching.

If people are afraid to lose, then you know they’ll be working their hardest.

Cheap out

The worst thing you could do is spend money to make people happy. Everyone knows that happy people aren’t running for their lives. Don’t forget... you run faster when you are running from something than when you are running to something.

Becoming the real hero

This guide was a jest. Your best resource is your people. The best way to have a productive team that wants to work for you is to do what you can to make them happy. Let Motivosity help you create that winning environment.