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Squeezing The Most Juice From The Orange: A Guide to Being an Efficient Manager

By Seymour Butts
Illustration of Carl the yeti putting puzzle pieces together in the shape of a brain.

So...you’re managing a team, huh? And you want to get the absolute most out of your team, no matter the cost? If you’ve answered ‘yes’ to both of these questions…boy oh boy, do we have answers for you! Check out this list of our top 9 tips to getting every last drop of blood, sweat, and tears out of your team.

1. Micromanagement is Key

All that ‘trust your employees’ and ‘give your team autonomy’ stuff? Total bogus. The only way you’re guaranteed to get stuff done is looking over your employees’ shoulders every minute of the day. Whether they’re running that report for Friday’s meeting or eating their banana on their STRICT 15-minute break…they’ve got things to get done and places to be! Our best tip? Invest in a stopwatch and a single bathroom pass. You can be sure that not a single second of the day is wasted.

2. Management Really Is One-Size-Fits-All

You might feel like you need to adjust your management style based on each employee...but you’re wrong. Afterall, you’re the manager for a reason, right? Your team should bend over backwards to fit your personality and preferred management style and not the other way around. When you demand assimilation, you demand respect.

3. Don’t Worry About Leading By Example

They’re not calling you ‘mommy’ (or at least they shouldn’t be and if they are…well, you’ve got a whole different issue on your hands. But don’t worry. We’ve got a guide on how to navigate weird work relationships, too!), so it’s not your job to lead by example and be the golden moral compass they should learn from! Do what you want and forget everyone else around you. That’s the ultimate key to happiness.

4. Emotion=Weakness

Save the tears for home. When you show emotion at work, you’re just telling your employees that you are 100% doormat material and they’re prepping to walk all over you. So, bottle up that emotion, buy some ice cream on the way home, and go cry on the floor of your closet. We all do it, anyway…so why not make it a bigger part of your daily routine? Cathartic to the max.

5. Play the Blame Game

The key to climbing the corporate ladder? Self-preservation. When you’re the boss, you get to delegate...which also means you can delegate responsibility for failure. Save your own hide and let your underlings take the blame! And…when they are in the hot pot? Stay out of it. It’s the best way to make sure you stay squeaky clean and completely out of all workplace drama.

6. Use Your Team as Pawns

Managing a team is just a giant game of chess, and every person plays a part. But, in the end, they’re basically all dispensable and won’t last long anyway. What matters is that you win—at any cost. Don’t be afraid to make moves, sacrifice your bishop, and eventually...checkmate.

7. Focusing Isn’t for Leaders, Dreaming Is

Steve Jobs didn’t get to where he was by just focusing on his to-do list and being…well, being average. So if you expect any kind of success, throw that priorities list out the window and spend your day dreaming up your next big idea. You’ve got employees for a reason, so delegate your tasks and get back to what really matters. No one is going to invent a pillow that combs your hair while you sleep for you!

8. Don’t Be Afraid to Take Credit

Steve Jobs didn’t get to where he was by just focusing on his to-do list and being…well, being average. So if you expect any kind of success, throw that priorities list out the window and spend your day dreaming up your next big idea. You’ve got employees for a reason, so delegate your tasks and get back to what really matters. No one is going to invent a pillow that combs your hair while you sleep for you!

9. Your Employees Haven’t Earned Respect Yet

Like we said before, your team hasn’t put in the grind you have. That’s why you’re their boss. Therefore, they’ve still got to earn your respect. You’ve heard ‘people, not employees’ but in reality, we all know it’s ‘employees, not people’. Make that your daily mantra. Maybe even steal an Expo marker from the conference room and write it on your mirror to remind yourself who’s boss every morning.

If you agree with any or all of these statements, then we think it might be time to tell you...APRIL FOOLS! We hope you know that Motivosity is all about appreciating employees, helping people be happier at work, and becoming the best manager you can be (but with empathy, authenticity, and personality)! If you want to know more about who we are and what we actually care about, check out our story.